Before my husband and I had our son, I found it easy to sit and rest in God’s Word. And, the thought never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t have “time” as much once I had Christopher simply because I was thinking that I can read fast. Once I had given birth, I found it a huge challenge to even stay focused on a simple note, let alone immerse myself in the Word of God as I had done in the past. This was three years ago; I was sleep deprived from my bundle of joy. On top of that, I was pretty much “on my own” since we are a military family and are away from a family support system. I relied on church support over the military wife support system. I only met a few “good apples” in the bunch of the family readiness group. The rest seemed too focused on themselves and drama.
With a lack of a military support system, I felt lonely for friends. If it weren’t for my church friends where we were, I don’t know how I would’ve grown closer to God. And, that is the thing. I always knew that God was and is with me; I just never been on my own a lot to fully experience life since I pretty much went from living at my parents’ house as a twenty-two year old to getting married and flying halfway across the United States to be on my own with my husband. I started to learn more about discerning God’s Word through my first Bible study, Discerning the Voice of God, by Priscilla Shirer (I highly recommend that study if you are in need of searching for God’s voice).
It wasn’t until moving to our new duty station that I became better and more fully aware of God’s voice in my heart. That’s the only thing that kept my heart filled with hope, as it should be. And, still, our new duty station’s family support system was as “helpful” as the last group, though our commander provided good support during my cochlear implant surgery a couple of years later. And, because of the unnatural stresses that came with my husband’s job, that created problems in our marriage. We were distanced from each other, there was lack of communication, and it got to the point where divorce came up.
That was probably the most heartbreaking thing and word that hurt me the most. And, the sad, yet blessing at the time when I didn’t see it, part was I felt God speak to my heart that I should stay, but pray. I knew deep down that if we had gone down the path of divorce, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself because my husband needed me more than he realized. So, I went back to my husband, and we chose to work on marriage. It was a very difficult challenge because there was still stress in our home, and I still felt lonely and had no friends.
I learned and changed how I prayed after meeting my dear friend and backyard neighbor. I know that God purposefully had us meet so that I can learn to pray for any and everything. By learning to pray and having a Christian mentor and sister in Christ, I was able to pray for change in our marriage to heal and become the marriage God wanted us to have. And, allowed God to change myself to become the woman He wanted me to become.
It is a very well-known fact that you cannot change a person, only God. Even a person cannot change their own self- God allows change. I had to believe that through prayer, healing would happen, and truly believe it. Prayer is not complicated at all; you just talk to God as you would your best friend, and believe and know that God is already then and there for any and every situation. I ended up praying Ephesians 6:10-18 over our marriage.
“A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all the strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle, you will be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body of armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on all occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” –Ephesians 6:10-18
By praying and allowing God to change my heart, He changed our marriage. It wasn’t until a few months later after I had started praying for our marriage that my husband’s heart changed through God’s message, and after that, we started going to church together as a family. Our marriage is still a work in progress, for no marriage is perfect. But, it is perfect enough for me because we have God at the center of our marriage. When we draw near to God, we draw near to each other.
Everyday I firmly believe and I am grateful that our marriage, myself, and family are “better” than yesterday because it is true. When we allow God to guide us instead of us trying to figure out life, we become a better person than what we were yesterday and we will be better tomorrow than today. We have to give ourselves grace because God knows we are far from perfect, and when we choose to not turn to God in prayer when we are struggling, we are saying, “Hey God, I know you can clearly handle this, but I am too worried to let it go into Your hands.” All our problems we will ever face are already solved. God will help us grow when we reach each stage in our journey.
From that moment of realization of our marriage becoming stronger, I realized that my time with God was getting better. And, one concept that I learned that helped me was not comparing my spiritual walk with others because how they worship, pray, or read their Bibles doesn’t mean I should do that. God made each of us different, and He wants our true heart and dedication- not imitation. For me, my days start between 5:30-6 in the morning, and if my little guy wakes up at that time, my day is really started and I don’t get a chance for me time with God. I learned that time with God can happen any time and anywhere- it doesn’t have to be at a scheduled time. So, when I am driving, that can often be my time with God and I include my little guy in my talks with God. A simple prayer (talk with God) is the most powerful weapon and healing a person can use and receive.
*As I have stated before, I am still establishing my blog; so when you look at my pages, there will be blank areas.