I have to say that in my mind, I imagined myself “constantly” blogging. It had been a little over a week since my last post, and it seemed that life happened since then. And, to be honest, I cannot remember what’s happened since then, except for the fact that I became tired and felt defeated and “anti-social” says the gal who likes to talk a lot.
My sweet, lovable, handsome, funny three-year-old boy happens to be a very strong willed child. While I am glad that he has such great independence, it becomes exhausting. Especially, when we are a military family who happens to be away from family support. Though this will sound “complaining,” I maybe get one or two me times in a year. Heck, even my first relaxing day this past weekend consisted of me getting my hair cut while I was sitting still and telling my little guy to sit still since I had no one to watch him. He was 95% good at the salon (thank goodness, cause I like the hair stylist); but he knew that I couldn’t necessarily get up out of the chair when the stylist was cutting my hair.
And, on top of all this….I am not exactly Martha Stewart when it comes to housekeeping. There, I said it. I am not the most organized gal, but that’s okay. It does drive my husband crazy, though. And, I try hard to make our house a home. You would think that we have multiple children the way our son’s room looks. I thought over the weekend about my “weakness” and decided that I work better with some kind of list that can help me stay accountable when it comes to homemaking. Don’t get me wrong, I love homemaking and I clean for God because when I clean for Him, it honors my husband as compared to cleaning for my husband. I already have a homemaking binder set up right now.
I think that I had that defeated feeling when I started cleaning one area and the very next minute it became destroyed from Christopher. I felt tired and wore out; I had been able to have adult talk since my husband isn’t much of a talker (which I am okay with). My dear friend and I love talking to each other, but our boys love to see each other for a millisecond, then they fight. So, we don’t exactly see each other every day since being a referee isn’t part of our plan that day.
I had been trying to continue turning to God throughout my time of feeling weak. And, it dawned on me that God uses us when we are at our weak points. Most of the time, I thank God for the times I wouldn’t necessarily want to be thankful for (like when my child decides to have a tantrum) because those moments are when God handles our situation when we feel at our weakest. When we try to handle our situations on our own without allowing God to lead, that moment when the store can hear your child screaming like you’re doing something horrible, then it only gets worse because we lose our cool.
Just a few days ago, my dear friend and I decided to venture out to take our boys to the museum- we figured out that they cooperate better separated in the van and “bribed” with gum (whatever works will work). My last experience wasn’t too good, and I was preparing myself for the second trip. I have to say that it was a success, and I got the adult talk I was so desperately needing. It turned out to be the talk that I was actually praying for- Spiritual gifts from God. Which, I’ll touch on that discussion in an another post. But, God spoke through Andrea to my heart on how to parent with Him when it comes to Christopher.
It may be just me, but this makes sense to me. When you parent on your own (or with your spouse, fiance, significant other, or the child’s parent) without God in the picture, it becomes so chaotic that you have the defeated feeling and not enjoy the parenthood journey. But, the same concept of marriage takes three (God, Husband, and Wife)- it makes sense that it’d apply to parenting your children. I admit that it can be frustrating for me, but I have seen myself grow closer to God through these little mishaps because God uses them to help me handle each situation with more and more grace. Actually, today consisted of me keeping my cool in public at Wal-Mart when little guy had a huge meltdown. While I was still embarrassed and wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, I kept calm and had to use superwoman strength to buckle Christopher up and make it to the checkout line. The cashier came over and gave him some stickers, which he calmed down a little- I see that as God helping me in that moment. I immediately walked out as fast as I could because I was not wanting to see the looks, though, hahaha.
I forgot the steak for supper once I got to the car…So, I had to go to Aldi. Which, was a complete 180 in his attitude because I had not rewarded him his favorite toy at Wal-Mart for not acting appropriately. I feel that I am supposed to learn how to keep my cool and have grace in my day. And, when I got home, Christopher knew he did something wrong when he helped put the groceries away, hahaha. Never a dull moment at home.
In the end, as crazy as it is for me to say it (and I often may not have the look in my face), I am glad that God has me as the one to go through this with Christopher and my husband because God knows what He is doing in shaping us as the godly people He wants us to be. So, mamas, God wants you to know that He has your back. He knows those moments you face where you feel defeated. He will help you grow in those moments to become the mom He wants you to be.