I have been absent for quite a while. No worries, I have been tending to other important matters regarding my family, work, and college. I have been pining for my blog to further the gift of writing that God granted to me. Just as everyone else, I have a life outside of writing. We had so many changes in our family in the last year that I am still adjusting to the changes.
What does “rest in unmet resolutions” mean to you? To be honest, I have felt disappointed that I had not made an effort in my writing, even though my “excuses” were reasonable in the fact that I work a majority of the week outside of the home, have to tend to my family and home, and took on a college load. But, little did I realize was that my unmet resolutions would have turned into rest as God was lining me up for new beginnings He had planned.
At the beginning of 2021, I had set out to complete a writer’s course to become a published writer–I even paid for a monthly subscription so I would commit better knowing that money was debited out. But, it didn’t happen as God led me to different responsibilities He had in store for me. I finished up my first year as a teacher assistant for kindergarten and first grade in May, and I gained new friendships with the ladies I work with at the school. My husband retired from the Army earlier this summer, which meant a new chapter for our little family. I turned thirty-two in June, and my husband and I celebrated our tenth anniversary.
I made a huge step for my future in September– I re-enrolled for college to work towards the last few classes for a bachelor’s in criminal justice. To be honest, I looked for excuses to back out. I just wanted to focus on my family, work, and try to write on my blog. But, I set aside my hesitation. I completed two classes before the end of the year, and that only brings me that much closer to graduating soon.
Around Thanksgiving, my boss entrusted me with another position at the school where I work as an interventionist. While I knew God led me to the right place at the school last year, knowing that she trusted me and believed in me enough to work with my students meant the world to me.
Looking back at the chapter of 2021, I see how God was lining myself up for the new year. While I am not a published author, yet, I have gained the experience of others reading my work- though they were research papers. I love writing, and my professors saw that. While I may have been writing papers about serial killers, I gained the confidence of thorough thinking, learning, and the joy of writing by releasing the fear of what if my writing is not good enough or enjoyable?
My unmet resolution of publishing my first book was God guiding me in my many written papers for college to submit works to be graded and critiqued. That vulnerability of wondering if what I wrote was good enough allowed me to work through my anxiety. Deep down, I know I am called to be a writer, but I hesitate at times to become completely vulnerable in sharing my heart in my writing. God knew I was not ready this time when I was ready to go blindly into the writing world when He was still working on my heart.
While I know that I am more than enough, there have been quite a few times I have felt like I was drowning and failing as a Christian. My time with God in the mornings are not what they used to be, and I felt shame in that. I was in a battle of choosing more sleep because I felt unrested on a regular basis when my family’s schedule changed with my husband’s new job. I wondered many times this year how I would be used to help others when I barely kept up with my own self-care.
Then, my eyes were opened; I needed to see my vulnerability from God in order to appreciate what He would promote me to in my journey. The unmet resolution of desiring to blog more and network with other writers was God tearing away the layers of myself for me to realize the rawness of the words I have yet to write that would touch other people’s hearts. Writing and blogging from a “I feel blessed” state would not have opened the spiritual eyes of others and myself. I needed to write from a humbled heart so that my words would bear fruit to those who read my works.
While I may not know what God has in store for me for 2022, I do look forward to the unmet resolutions He will allow me to accomplish. I pray that your journey with God this year is an enlightening one that will open both your eyes and heart to seeing yourself and others the way God sees you and them.